Thoughts on Thoughts

When Joab of Real Tight Crew Zine asked me to write something for his next issue, I was skeptic. Beside the fact

that I was too busy with other stuff, it's been ages since I wrote something that actually made sense. I wasn't sure

that I can even do it anymore. What is there to write anymore? All has been covered and I don't have enough

sophisticated words to impress you people. Anyway, this is it.

And so, blank white pseudo bond paper on my screen, we meet again. I haven’t seen you since that day I attempted to make a fanzine that is now still as good as a first draft. I have been asked to write something about this zine since early of 2011, and now, second half of the year had just begun and yet I haven’t got a clue what to write.

As I type this, I am asking a friend for some ideas and so I decided to ask her to ask me a question. She said. “Hmmnn..” That obviously didn’t work. Then she told me to just write about random things, things I know and recent experiences. I said I will try.


Things that I know. I’m pretty sure there are and it must be something that the DIY people will be interested in. Something about the scene? My playlist or my new favorite hardcore band(s)? Female issues? Female issues. Is it appropriate to type LOL if you’re writing outside the interwebs? Frankly, I find it boring and similar to that feeling of running fast just to hit the wall. Not that it is pointless, but the victim mentality began to irritate me since new millennium came in. If you’re into posi shit, you should probably know how important it is to appreciate things and look at the brighter side of things. And we should coz we’ve come a long way from the oppression, not being able to vote, work discriminations, domestic violence etc. We (Pinays) are lucky, period. Have you compared yourselves to our Muslim sisters and their countries who still treat women as a second citizens? The government spared train coaches for your fragile asses, for crying out loud!

I blame intellectual white feminists for making the sex war irreparable. A poor woman will never make this an issue. She’ll probably worry about survival and feeding her children. A female writer once said, “…declaring imaginary wars to make up for their boring sheltered lives.” True to form, with their diplomas and achievements, we will believe and follow what they preach.
It is still prevalent and it’s getting old. Inequalities and discriminations, aren’t we all dealing with it? Why should women’s be any special? Why should we make big deal out of all-female bands, female-fronted bands, female race car driver, female zinester? Isn’t it quite contradicting?

My point is, victim-mentality is not posi and certainly not appealing to me. It’s like holding up a card saying “kick me” and then bitch about it. Holding up a “Fuck you, I’m a woman who can do stuff” card is contradicting either.

Perplexed, are you? How could someone like me, a woman in this scene, could possibly utter those words stated above? So what am I, anyway? Anti-feminist? Post feminist? Egalitarianist? Uh. NO. NO and NO. I am nothing. Not all people need labels. They just need something they stand for no matter how eyebrow-raising or far-fetched they are.

Labels are limiting but undeniably compelling because it makes it easier for people to figure other people out. Let’s say a guy said he’s a straight-edge vegetarian. He could easily be someone who is a hardcore fan, politically correct, frigid and boring. A hardcore boy who used to skate, drinks heavily, tattooed and belonged to a “boy’s club” is a womanizing douchebag in a hardcore shirt. A straight-edge woman is only attracted to hardcore boys. Satanists are cool. A crusty guy smells. Punk rockers are either nearing 40’s or nearing 20’s. Women in the scene are automatically feminists. Crusty girls are not pretty. Feminists are pussy-eating man-haters. All vegetarians don’t eat meat. I could go on and on but it boils down to one thing and one thing only. Summing up a person by their labels lures clichés which sways the truth in them. It’s just like advertising. It makes us buy things that we don’t really need. I am not sure if I made sense but I had fun writing those clichés.

So where is this thing going, really? Too many thoughts and not a single decent idea. And so I am left with a dreading thought of writing about my recent experiences. With red and green lines Microsoft Word telling me ‘bout wrong grammars and misspellings, I decided not a single fuck I would give. One thing’s for sure, though. If it could detect cursing, sarcasm and politically incorrectness, writing about my life would make this program a kaleidoscope. I’d rather write something about how amazing ideas form whenever I’ sitting on a toilet bowl than the past. I’ve been pretty much a pessimistic my whole life but there comes a time that you will feel exhausted and so I friggin’ PMA-ed it instead. PMA from now on. Positive thinking could disappoint you but positive attitude will never fail you.

It’s getting really late and my eyes are getting heavier. Been working most days of this week and I still have to get up early for another task. I feel sorry for Joab for having me write for his zine and sorry for his readers for wasting their time with this. You know what? I take it back. I am not sorry after all. When you have dealt with numerous shit storms in your life and actually go through it, it is inevitable we stop giving a crap on what others think. That means you scene intellectuals, grammar Nazis and newbies that reek seething rage on politics of their choice for coolness’ sake. I ain’t no hater, mind you. We may all be different but at the end of the day or each gigs, we are all those weird people that society does not get. We gather, squeeze in one place and be weird together. And THAT’S the only coolness that I am actually down for.

And Oh, I’m gonna end this abruptly.